Wednesday, March 3, 2010

TO COHABITATE OR TO MARRY






You look for romance when looking for a mate. It is not a hit or miss operation. The new norm seems to be to live with your soul mate before you marry  (cohabitaton).  The person you choose to live with must not just be sexy, but must share your values, interests, and your personality.


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TO COHABITATE OR  TO MARRY

You look for romance when looking for a mate. It is not a hit or miss operation. The new norm seems to be to live with your soul mate before you marry  (cohabitaton).   Only 18% of men and 23% of women are married without ever having lived together.  Most of these people stay married.

As you get older, the number of your potential marital mates becomes very narrow. Your mating does not begin with romance.  After you filter out all your factors, love relationships begin to appear.

 The person you choose to live with must not just be sexy, but must share your values, interests, and your personality. Since there is a tendency for likes to marry, you unconsciously will eliminate potential mates that differ from you.

Sometimes you are pushed more rapidly to marriage because you are in love, crave companionship, or have emotional financial securities, status, or social and family pressures.

COHABITATION AND MARRIAGE STATISTICS

Over 75% of young adults   live together before they get married.  Half of the couples that cohabitate (live together) get married within three years.  Two thirds of women between 25 and 45 are married, and only 8% of these were cohabiting.  (Which speaks for the failure of cohabitation).

 One out of five marriages will break up within five years, and two out of three will last less than 10 years.  Over 50% of black men and and 75% of Hispanic men stay married.

 Twenty  years ago over 50% of unmarried women who gave birth, were living with the child’s father.  Now only a third of these births have the father in the house.

If you live together before you get married,  you are less likely to stay married. Your chances will improve if you are already engaged or are a college graduate, when you begin living together.

THE ANATOMY OF MARRIAGE

 After all, your parents taught you how to love and who to love. You are told to find your soul mate from a pool of eligible people that are socially approved. You are told what a nice couple you make, and start being invited to social functions and family affairs.

 Most married couples are 2 to 3 years apart in age.   Don’t rob the cradle, and don’t look to marry  a father  or  mother figure.

 You certainly want someone who has the same values, education and goals that you might want to share.  If your soul mate accepts your basic values, and engages in your activities, you will  enjoy being together and a marriage is more likely to be permanent.

You only enjoy a relationship if you are getting a lot out of it, especially if you get more than you are investing.   If you think you have a lot of good things going for you,  you look for someone of comparable value.

It takes a long time to show your values and attitudes to your soul mate.  The longer you date, the more likely you will find a perfect match in your marriage will be successful.   Marriage and love have a lot of complications, but with love, most are overcome, if yout take your commitment seriously.

Your comments are always appreciated.
Visit www.drneedles.com for more blogging on controversial medical subjects.

Source National Center for health statistics/national survey of family growth/2002

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