HOW TO BE A GOOD LOVER

HOW TO BE A GOOD LOVER

Every time I see a Cosmopolitan or Redbook magazine, the front cover shouts about how we can all learn new techniques to please our partners.  Our culture is extremely performance orientated with pressure for all of us to sexually perform.

As a gynecologist for 35 years with a great deal of sex counseling I would like to make my observations on what makes a good lover.

 Too often your intimate partner may not be sexually exciting, or may have a great exciting beginning but disappoints in the finale, or has an incomplete orgasm.  You must  get it all together with a high level of sexual excitement, a sense of intimacy, and a satisfactory sense of gratification.

You can’t be  a technician who masters all the techniques you have read, and who has a great sexual repertoire.  You must let your lover enjoy activation of your body and genitals.  A good lover is interested in exploring all part of the body with all of one’s senses.  This will  enhance the experience of your own body and will not limit the experience to a copulating act limited to genital coupling.

There must be mutual seeking and receiving of signals to share with one another.  You must be free of guilt regarding sex and must be able to give and receive maximum physical and psychological pleasure in the act of love.

Loving should aim for the happiness of your beloved to your own happiness.   Love cannot exist with jealousy, possessiveness, and perfectionism and over control.  The more you can overcome these traits the better lover you will become.

Lovemaking must be leisurely and non-exploitive with shared sensation and feelings.  You should be free from a hurried programmed erogenous zone that focuses on a hurried orgasm.

As a good lover, you must know how to praise and learns all you can about sexual stimuli and their response.  All the books and articles read are not a substitute for keen observation and sensitivity recognizing your partner is unique.  You can’t be rigid and mechanical, and you must be in touch with your feelings to sense your partner’s feelings.

Sense the needs of your beloved and act in ways to please and excite your partner. Be patient that your partner’s passionate responses might be slower than yours.  Stay with your partner until your partner is satisfied, and insist on doing what will bring your partner to full satisfaction.

You don’t need to make love in the same old way in the same old place with a clocked and charted routine.  Each lovemaking experience is a new and delightful moment.  Do not take your partner for granted or neglect your partner.

Sexual love is not the same as intercourse.  It can be a touch or  a kiss or some other physical act that show love for your partner.  Unfortunately this is often absent when you are always caught up in your need to perform in a Viagra or Cialis moment.

KEEP THE PASSION IN YOUR MARRIAGE

It’s possible for two people to have tremendous love for each other without sexual desires.  We see this between two members of a family or two members of the same sex.  This is also true between relationships of husband and wife. Some couples have minimum sex in their marriage and still have an intimate and affectionate relationship. They care a lot for each other, are honest and open but have minimum passion.

Passion can evaporate from a marriage when husband and wife become entirely preoccupied in their role as parents in a family.  If you spend even a ½ hour together without the children present, relaxing and discuss your feelings that you  want to share, you might revitalize the sexual relationship.  Doing some activIty together without the children can awaken the romantic aspect of your relationship.  It could be a walk, bike ride or shopping trip.  As long as you are alone together.  You must relate more as lovers than just mom and dad.

An overnight or long weekend at a nearby motel can energize into a sexual relationship.  Some people struggle and will not change the situation.  They fear any change from the routine and their passionless sex lives.  Change is good.  Ask McCain or Obama, or even Sarah Palin.

Visit my website www.drneedles.com for more intimate reflections on your sexuality.  Your comments are always appreciated.